The Catalog of Good Deeds

Question: "When Jesus was asked how we are to pray, he gave the "Our Father" prayer, and said nothing about the "Jesus Prayer." Some Orthodox writers almost give the impression that a person will not be saved without the Jesus Prayer, but Christ never taught such a thing. Why would God require a mantra from people every conscious moment of their lives? Repetitive prayers (mantras) are a Hindu, Buddhist and Islamic thing. Does not the same practice imply a common source?"

Did Christ Teach it?

Are you sure Christ did not teach us to pray the Jesus Prayer? In the Gospels we have many examples of people calling upon Christ in ways that are similar to the Jesus Prayer:

"And when Jesus departed thence, two blind men followed him, crying, and saying, Thou son of David, have mercy on us" (Matthew 9:27).

"And, behold, a woman of Canaan came out of the same coasts, and cried unto him, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil" (Matthew 15:22).

"And, behold, two blind men sitting by the way side, when they heard that Jesus passed by, cried out, saying, Have mercy on us, O Lord, thou son of David" (Matthew 20:30).

"And as he entered into a certain village, there met him ten men that were lepers, which stood afar off: and they lifted up their voices, and said, Jesus, Master, have mercy on us" (Luke 17:12-13).

But in the parable of the Public and the Pharisee, the prayer that the publican says, for which he is commended, is "God be merciful to me a sinner" (Luke 18:13). And so unless one disputes that Christ is God, Christ did teach us to pray a prayer that is substantively similar to the Jesus Prayer.

The Name of the Lord

We are also taught in Scripture to call upon, praise, and trust in the name of the Lord:

"I will give praise unto the Lord according to His righteousness, and I will chant unto the name of the Lord Most High" (Psalm 7:18).

"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses, but we will call upon the name of the Lord our God" (Psalm 19:8).

"Blessed is the man, whose hope is in the name of the Lord Psalm" (Psalm 39:5).

"Praise the Lord, O ye servants, praise ye the name of the Lord. Blessed be the name of the Lord from henceforth and for evermore. From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same, the name of the Lord is to be praised" (Psalm 112:1-3).

"All the nations compassed me round about, and by the name of the Lord I warded them off. Surrounding me they compassed me, and by the name of the Lord I warded them off. They compassed me about like unto bees around a honeycomb, and they burst into flame like a fire among the thorns, and by the name of the Lord I warded them off" (Psalm 117:10-12).

"Praise ye the name of the Lord; O ye servants, praise the Lord" (Psalm 134:1).

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous run to it and are safe" (Proverbs 18:10).

"For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved" (Roman 10:13).

"And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved" (Acts 2:21).

"And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him" (Colossians 3:17).

For more on the significance of the Jesus Prayer, and the name of Jesus, see:

The Power of the Name, by Metropolitan Kallistos (Ware), and On Practicing the Jesus Prayer, by St. Ignaty Brianchaninov.

So the content of the Jesus prayer is not only unobjectionable, but it is completely Biblical, in fact it is a summary of the Gospel.

Vain Repetitions?

But if the content of the Jesus Prayer is admitted to be Biblical, the next objection that is raised is usually in reference to Matthew 6:7, which says in the King James Version:

"But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking."

So does this apply to the Jesus Prayer? No. To begin with, while the King James is general a very good translation, in this case, the translation is a bit debatable. The word behind that translation "vain repetitions" is the Greek word "battologeō" (βαττολογέω), which more precisely means "to stutter" to "babble". Some examples of contemporary translations that reflect this are:

“And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words" (ESV).

"And in praying do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard for their many words" (RSV).

"And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words" (NIV).

The Word Biblical Commentary has this to say about the meaning of this text:

"In view is the attempt to manipulate God through repetitive, perhaps even magical phrases, as the verb battalogein, "babble," and the noun polylogia, "much speaking, " suggest. Battalogein, an onomatopoetic word, is probably derived from the cognate noun meaning "stammerer" or "stutterer." The verb here, however, refers not to a speech impediment but to the repetition of meaningless syllables. Polylogia seems to have in mind vain repetition and lengthiness. They "think" (dokousin) they will be heard by means of these devices, but in this they are mistaken" (Donald A. Hagner, Word Biblical Commentary: Matthew 1-13, vol. 33a (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1993), 147).

And Blessed Theophylact says:

"But when ye pray, do not babble as the Gentiles do." "Babbling" means praying foolishly, as when someone asks for such worldly things as fame, wealth, or victory. "Babbling" is also inarticulate, childish speech. Therefore you, O reader, must not pray foolishly, For they think that they shall be heard for their many words. It is not necessary to make long prayers, but rather short and frequent prayers, uttering few words, but persevering in prayer" (The Explanation of the Holy Gospel According to Matthew. Fr. Christopher Stade, Trans. (House Springs, MO: Chrysostom Press, 1992), p. 57).

And so what Christ is speaking of are prayers that meaningless... perhaps treated like magical words, which because of their repetition are intended to make God respond in some desired way. But this is not true of the Jesus Prayer.

For one thing, the words are not meaningless -- they are filed with deep meaning. And the proper use of the Jesus Prayer requires that one pray it attentively, focusing on the meaning of the words. A prayer is only vain, if you don't mean it, or if you pay no attention to what you are saying, or have no understanding of what you are saying.

Is it a Mantra?

The purpose of a mantra is for the person saying it to empty his mind of all thoughts. The purpose of the Jesus Prayer is to fill our mind with the meaning of the words, and to raise up our thoughts to God.

St. Paul teaches us to "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

St. Augustine, in commenting on Psalm 37[38]:9, speaks about the meaning of unceasing prayer:

"And who observed and noticed the cause of his groaning? “All my desire is before Thee” (ver. 9). For it is not before men who cannot see the heart, but it is before Thee that all my desire is open! Let your desire be before Him; and “the Father, who seeth in secret, shall reward thee.” For it is thy heart’s desire that is thy prayer; and if thy desire continues uninterrupted, thy prayer continueth also. For not without a meaning did the Apostle say, “Pray without ceasing.” Are we to be “without ceasing” bending the knee, prostrating the body, or lifting up our hands, that he says, “Pray without ceasing”? Or if it is in this sense that we say that we “pray,” this, I believe, we cannot do “without ceasing.” There is another inward kind of prayer without ceasing, which is the desire of the heart" (St. Augustine, Commentary on the Psalms 37:14 (NPNF1 8:106-7).

This prayer of the heart is what the Jesus Prayer helps us to achieve. The words of the Jesus Prayer are not magical. There are various forms of the Jesus Prayer in use. But the words of the Jesus Prayer are Biblical, the practice is Biblical, and the purpose is also Biblical.

By Fr. Fr. John Whiteford

Source: http://fatherjohn.blogspot.com/2014/12/stump-priest-jesus-prayer-scripture.html

The Most Holy Theotokos helps not only half-legendary people from ancient times but also us: we just have to ask. Priests of our Diocese share their stories of the Mother of God’s help in various life circumstances.

Some people from Kurakhovo came to our parish recently. A woman came to me and asked, “Father, do you remember us?” “Well, of course, I do,” I replied. That woman and her husband had visited our church six years ago to bathe in the springs. There are two springs in our village, one consecrated in honor of the Life-Giving Spring icon of the Mother of God and the other in honor of St Panteleimon the Holy Healer. The man and his wife didn’t have children because the wife had a cyst. I said, “Pray to the Mother of God, St. Panteleimon and St. Nicholas the Wonderworker, take communion and unction. You’ve got to work hard and not just talk.”

They went home and I didn’t hear of them for a long time. The other day, there was a service in our church, and the woman entered the nave with a baby in her outstretched arms, and showed it to me. The service was on and she said, “Father, here is your Maryika!” The choir burst out laughing! I laughed, too, and said, “Our whole parish was praying for you, so don’t make me responsible!”

Later, that woman told me how it happened. They did everything they were required to. Then she went to a doctor, and the doctor told her that there wasn’t a cyst in her body any longer, so she didn’t need any surgeries. The doctor asked, “What did you use to treat this condition?” The woman answered, “I bathed.” The doctor was exasperated, “We all bathe! Could you provide any details?” “I bathed in a holy spring,” the woman responded. She was healed of her cyst and managed to give birth to a baby without any surgical intervention. It was a great gift from the Mother of God. That woman has come to us again recently and informed us that her daughter is going to school this year.

There is another miracle that I can recall. It is related to the construction of a church in Verovka, a village 3 miles from ours. We found ten people who would motivate others and of course, we also began praying to the Most Holy Theotokos. As a result, we have managed to build so much in these three months, it’s hard to believe. You can only label it as a miracle. We didn’t have any money. We laid the foundation in just three Saturdays, so it didn’t cost us a lot. We were promised thirty cubic meters of timber. We thought that we would have to wait for that timber for a long time but they called us and said, “We’ll bring the timber in a week, get ready.” I started looking for money to pay for the timber, and I found it. I also found the builders to build the church from that timber. Two men from Transcarpathia came to us, unloaded the timber on August 13, erected the walls, the sanctuary, and covered the roof, and left us on August 25. The wooden church was constructed literally in a dozen of days. Whenever I asked them, “Guys, need help?” they would reply with “Mother of God will help us!” They worked from dawn till dusk, and the church was built. Of course, we still have to make the dome—there’s still a lot of work to be done—but the help of the Mother of God is truly amazing. It is impossible to make so much from scratch in just a month and a half.

My third story is about our elderly parishioner. One day he came to the church and donated five thousand hryvnia, and then the same amount again. It is a lump sum for a regular person. Later, he told me, “Father, I’m likely going to be laid off.” It turned out that his company was about to implement budget cuts, and since he already exceeded retirement age, it was almost guaranteed that they were going to make him redundant. I said, “Here is the Mother of God and here is St. Nicholas the Wonderworker. Pray to them!” And so he did. After a while, it turned out that not only wasn’t he fired but he was in fact appointed to a higher position and became deputy director of that company. He did not lose his job and even managed to land better conditions. Grateful to the Mother of God and St. Nicholas, the man bought a big candle holder and donated it to our church.

There are lots and lots of stories like these, we don’t even write them down. People who can’t have kids or whose kids stutter come to our holy springs and get healed. The Mother of God sympathizes with us poor and wretched sinners. She intercedes before God on our behalf. Let us pray to her and be thankful for her help!

By Fr. Anatoly Kostenko

Translated by The Catalog of Good Deeds

Source: http://gorlovka-eparhia.com.ua/kak-mater-bozhiya-pomogaet-nashim-sovremennikam/

Question: "How does one become a Reader, and what does a Reader do?"

Answer: We learn a great deal about what it means to be a Reader from the admonition that the bishop gives to a Reader after he is tonsured (i.e., made a Reader):

"My son, the first degree in the Priesthood is that of Reader. It behooveth thee therefore to peruse the divine Scriptures daily, to the end that the hearers, regarding thee may receive edification; that thou in nowise shaming thine election, mayest prepare thyself for a higher degree. For by a chaste, holy and upright life thou shalt gain the favor of the God of loving-kindness, and shalt render thyself worthy of a greater ministry, through Jesus Christ our Lord: to whom be glory unto the ages of ages. Amen."

This tells us that the office of the Reader is the first rank of the priesthood. There are two types of clergy: minor clergy, and major clergy. Readers are tonsured, which means that rather than being ordained in the Altar, they are set apart by having some of their hair cut in the form of the Cross (as also happens at baptism, and when someone is made a monastic) and ordained in the Nave of the Church, as are Subdeacons, who are also minor clergy. The major clergy are Bishops, Priest, and Deacons.

But what it means for this to be the first rank of the priesthood is that the same basic requirements to be ordained a Priest are also required of a Reader. A reader must of course be Orthodox. He must also be a man who has not been married more than once. He must be of a good reputation. There are other possible impediments to ordination, and most of them apply equally to readers (there are different age requirements for deacons, priests, and bishops, and bishops are required to be monastics).

A Reader should also read the Scriptures daily, and be familiar enough with the texts that he reads that those who hear him are able to understand him, and be edified by his reading. In addition to that, a Reader should learn the rubrics of the services, and should learn to sing his way through the services by learning the tones, and how to use and combine the liturgical texts at the kliros. In most parishes, there are choir directors who do most of that work at the main services, but a Reader should learn this as well, so that if he is the only person at the kliros (as can happen at some of the daily services) he will be able to read and sing all of the parts of the services that are not specific to the Bishop, Priest, and Deacon.

The admonition to the Reader that he "in nowise" shame his election means that he should be an example to others in the Church. As St. Paul admonished St. Timothy: "be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conduct, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity" (1 Timothy 4:12). And a reader should do this in order to prepare himself "for a higher degree." In other words, a reader should be preparing himself for the possibility of serving in a higher rank of the clergy. Of course all Christians should try to be an example "in word, in conduct, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity," but this should be especially the case for clergy. This means a Reader should be personally pious, loving towards others, and should love the services of the Church.

Anyone who is able (and of course an Orthodox Christian) can serve the function of a Reader, when needed. And there are many people who are not tonsured as Readers who do. However, one who actually is a Reader has a duty to fill this role, and so should be zealous to prepare himself to fulfill this role, and should be eager to actually do it, being present whenever possible for the services, and making themselves available to do their duty.

If someone is interested in becoming a reader, they should speak to the priest and begin applying themselves to learning how to properly do it. Even if they are not eventually tonsured as a Reader, the knowledge they acquire is beneficial to any Orthodox Christian.

For more on what it means to be a Reader, I would recommend reading Instruction for the Church Reader as well as A Guide for Readers in the Orthodox Church, by Fr. Geoffrey Korz.

By Fr. John Whiteford

Source: http://fatherjohn.blogspot.com/2016/10/stump-priest-readers.html

Compared to the contemporary worship of most Protestant churches and post-Vatican II Roman Catholic churches, the worship of the Orthodox Church seems overly-formal, complicated, and rigid in its rubrics. Why are there so many rituals in the Orthodox Church? Why isn’t there more spontaneity, creativity, and freedom of expression? Why is the Orthodox Sunday worship service—the Divine Liturgy—essentially the same week after week, every year, for more than fifteen-hundred years? Most Orthodox believers would respond, “Because it is our Tradition.” However, do you know why it is our Tradition and why rituals are so important to our Christian Faith?

The Need For Peace And Order

Actually, the Bible and the Church Fathers rarely use the word “ritual” or “rite” when describing Judaic or Christian religious ceremonial practices. The words more often used are “ordinances” and “observances.” These words are more descriptive of what should be going on. For many, “rites” are just a series of behaviors people customarily do without knowing its meaning—perhaps there was once a reason for the behavior, but now people just “go through the motions.”

An “ordinance” is a decree that an activity be regulated (Hebrews 9:1)—kept to a particular sequence or boundary. In regards to worship services, the Apostle Paul stated, “all things should be done decently and in order” (1 Corinthians 14:40). The reason for this is given in a previous verse: “for God is a God not of disorder but of peace” (v.33). In fact, St. Paul praises the church at Colosse for how orderly (τάξιν) they are (Colossians 2:5). Being that our present day Liturgy of St. Chystostom is based on the first century Liturgy of St. James, the first Bishop of Jerusalem, the Orthodox Church has always practiced a formal, orderly pattern to its worship.

However, the formality of worship really goes back to Judaic practices starting 13 centuries before Christ with the exodus of Israel from Egypt. God, through Moses, gave explicit details about a very orderly and elaborate form of worship centered around the Tabernacle or Temple. Why? Because God knows how easy it is for mankind to argue about worship practice differences to the point of confusion (Acts 19:32), prejudice (John 4:20), and violence (Genesis 4:3-8). It is not hard to look through the history of mankind and find wars which were in part justified over disputed religious beliefs and practices. Though inter-faith conflict will likely continue (John 17:14), God wants to prevent intra-faith conflict within His Church (John 17:22-23). Therefore, it is necessary the Church be unified in Her worship practices. The Orthodox Church has kept the unity of the Faith in part by preserving a precise formula in Her worship. In doing so, the Orthodox Church has avoided a lot of dissension that has plagued other branches of Christianity.

The Need For Attention and Remembrance

“Observance” denotes the need to pay attention and to remember. Six times during the Divine Liturgy the priest or deacon is giving the exhortation “Let us be attentive.” God doesn’t want us to just show up at church and habitually say and do the rites while our minds are occupied with work, grocery lists, or a recent argument with our spouse. Such worship is not “in spirit and in truth” (John 4:23-24). God desires we focus on what every word said and every gesture made alludes to within the Divine Liturgy (and other worship services). This takes discipline on our part, but it is through discipline we become righteous sons and daughters of our Father (Hebrews 12:4-11). Observing the Divine Liturgy disciplines us to “fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2).

It is only by being attentive we will gain understanding (Proverbs 4:1, 20; 5:1; 7:24; 22:17), find God’s direction for us (Exodus 23:20-21), and enjoy His blessing (Deuteronomy 7:12-13; 28:13). Attending to the teachings of the Church both through Scripture (2 Peter 1:19) and Tradition (Hebrews 2:1) keeps us from drifting into heresy. A good Biblical definition of observance, that we should remind ourselves of as we enter a church, is: “Mortal, look closely and listen attentively, and set your mind upon all that I [God] shall show you, for you were brought here in order that I might show it to you” (Ezekiel 40:4; see also Isaiah 28:23; 34:1).

The Bible is filled with exhortations to not only attend but to also remember. We need to continually be reminded of: who God is, how God has saved us, the miracles which attest to God’s love for us, the commands God taught us, the saints of old who inspire us, and also remember those that need charitable aide or divine intervention. The high point of the Divine Liturgy is when we observe the sacrament of communion, which was commanded by God to be done “in remembrance” of Christ (Luke 22:19; 1 Corinthians 11:24-25). Orthodox worship services, particularly in its litanies and hymns, are specifically designed to help us remember.

The Need For Growth and Transformation

Some may argue it is easier to lose one’s attention within Orthodox services because they are so repetitive. It is believed contemporary services draw one’s attention better because they change from week to week and are therefore more stimulating. First, it should be noted that Orthodox services are not completely repetitive—the readings, the homilies, and a few of the hymns do change every week. Second, repetition is good for us: it is how we learn. Besides being an assembly by which we give God His due—praise and thanksgiving—Orthodox worship services are also classrooms of instruction about how to rightly believe and behave.

Part of the reason why the worship of the Orthodox Church is so ritualistic is because a lot of information is being condensed within a ninety minute service. You can spend decades going to Divine Liturgies every Sunday and still not plumb all the rich, symbolic depths of meaning found in that ceremony. The Divine Liturgy is unchanging because its formula works to help us grow in knowledge and virtue to become Christ-like—which is the purpose of our lives (Colossians 1:28-29; 2 Peter 3:18). Even if our attentions occasionally wander (which they shouldn’t!), something of the service is still absorbed within our spirit to bless our souls. Repetition is transformational. After a while, the Divine Liturgy becomes more than an ordinance or an observance; it becomes something intimately a part of out lives—like the beating of our hearts (and no one complains when are hearts keep the same life-giving rhythm!).

The contemporary worship services of non-Orthodox churches can be very entertaining. The electronically amplified instruments, the emotional praise choruses, the dramatic preaching, the multimedia presentations, can all make for an enjoyable service. However, watching TV, going to a movie, or being at a music concert can also be pleasurable. Yet how much do we actually remember from these events? How much of it helps us to grow towards maturity in the Faith (Hebrew 5:12-6:1)? We must ask ourselves whether worship was meant by God to be entertaining. Shouldn’t worship be something different than what the world produces? Shouldn’t worship be something that reverences God rather than regales the congregation?

The Need For Costly Worship

“Liturgy” means “work of the people.” God desires that we love Him with all our heart, all our soul, and all our might (Deuteronomy 6:5, emphasis added). Participating in the Divine Liturgy is not a physically comfortable experience: there is standing, kneeling, and prostrations. One doesn’t (or shouldn’t!) just passively watch a performance at an Orthodox church service. The laity is invited to be involved throughout the service in reverencing icons, joining in the singing of the hymns, reciting the Nicene Creed, and adding their hearts or voices to the prayers. It you are not a little tired when the Divine Liturgy is finished then you haven’t fully been worshiping God.

Though worship can be a joyful celebration (Psalm 100:1-2), Scripture makes it clear that God desires worship to also be costly. The first recorded act of worship was the story of Cain and Abel, the sons of Adam and Eve, when God accepts Abel’s sacrifice but rejects Cain’s (Genesis 4:3-7). God explained that not just any offering will do, but only the best of what we have to give will receive His approval. The animals sacrificed to God had to be without defect and therefore they were the most valuable of the herd (Leviticus 1:3). The Divine Liturgy was refined over the early centuries to make it the best worship service we can offer to God. It has stayed the same since then because no Orthodox theologian has figured out how to make it any better than St. Chrystostom’s fourth century version.

In summary, Orthodox worship services are ritualistic because: (1) God desires that our services be orderly as a reflection of Himself. (2) Our Lord desires a set pattern of worship to maintain unity and avoid dissension. (3) The services require we discipline ourselves to attend, remember, and participate; so that we might be perfected in the Faith. (4) Worship was meant to be costly—requiring the best that we have to honor God with. “Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us give thanks, by which we offer to God an acceptable worship with reverence and awe; for indeed our God is a consuming fire” (Hebrews 12:28-29).

“It behooves us to do all things in order, which the Lord has commanded us to perform at stated times. He has commanded offerings and service to be performed. And these things are not to be performed thoughtlessly or irregularly, but at the appointed times and hours.” — St. Clement of Rome, 96AD

Source: http://pemptousia.com/2016/11/why-all-the-rituals/

She thanks the Lord not only for joys but also for sorrows. Anna has had more than her fair share of sorrows in the course of her life. Her oldest son Alexander fell prey to drug dependency… Today I talk with this outstanding woman who can honestly be called a warrior for Christ.

Anna, there is a stereotypical perception of drug addicts as children from dysfunctional families. If an individual starts to use illicit drugs, it invariably means that his or her parents “missed out”. Is this the case?

No-no-no! Guilt is the first feeling that a mother runs into, and it’s not quite right! Psychologists unanimously say that you mustn’t regard yourself, and yourself only, guilty of the problem. When I first came to a mutual-aid group, I saw that drug abuse impacts poor and affluent families equally. One’s status or level of education just doesn’t matter! Drugs don’t spare anyone. That is why you can’t say that a child decided to taste the forbidden fruit because he lacked something. I can say even more: this problem may hit a Christian home, too… Every teenager has his wishes and desires. Every teenager wants to achieve something and to stick out of the crowd.

However, I must admit that almost all co-dependent mothers look alike. We forced our children to run from home by terrorizing them with excessive care and total control. You know, when I came to mutual-aid group meetings, I saw my own reflection in other mothers. My life consisted of serving my child almost exclusively: I checked his school bag; I made sure that he returned home from school in time; I’d heat up the cooked meal and fetch it to his room, and then wash his dirty plate. My husband and I did everything on our own and didn’t entrust it to our children. We didn’t even teach them to spend money properly and sensibly.

Can you please tell us what your family lifestyle was like?

You know, it was the worst thing that can happen in a family: the loss of natural hierarchy. I mean, the husband must be the head under all circumstances! His wife must be his handmaid, and children must take up the third place. Nowadays, children are the centre of the world for most families. Even secular therapists notice that. Those who are familiar with Christianity must remember Apostle Paul’s words, I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God (1 Cor. 11:3).

If the atmosphere in your home is healthy, i.e., when the wife obeys her husband, respects and admires him, their children will internalise it. They will be able to avoid an immense lot of problems.

We’ve always had good relationship with my husband but children were the most important still.

I know that Alexander was 20 when you learned about the trouble that he found himself in and started visiting mutual-aid groups for co-dependent relatives. Was it hard to recognise and acknowledge your errors?

It’s always hard to own your errors. For me, the fact that I was intuitively drawn to God was really helpful. I had been to church before but as soon as I heard the horrible news, I made up my mind to change my life thoroughly. You know, I didn’t grudge against God, I mean, I didn’t ask him why it had happened to me. On the contrary, I felt such an urge to lead the life of spirituality, prayer, and church worship that I even wept in church. I was weeping and thanking God for calling me, even if it happened in these conditions… Nevertheless, I became closer to him.

Well, and of course, they explained to us during our meetings in the mutual-aid groups: if you want your children to change, you must change, too. It was difficult because we had always given the best to our sons but now we had to do otherwise! However, our effort yielded positive outcomes. I used to cry and yell at my son when he came home stoned… After I turned to God, I became calmer. I would cross him secretly, and then run to the church and pray because hysteria won’t solve anything, whereas prayer can work wonders.

That was how, step by step, everything started to change. My relationship with my husband changed drastically! It was almost as if we re-discovered one another… Of course, it is very difficult to be a decent wife and mother. It is hard to struggle with your pride and wilfulness. Anyway, you can’t change anything without effort!

Anna, your son served two jail terms for theft. By that time, you had already been a practising Christian. Did you feel upset or disappointed? It appeared as if God had stepped aside and stopped helping you, didn’t it?

Praise the Most High, I never harboured this kind of thoughts. Actually, it was in jail that my son took communion as an adult for the first time (I had taken him and his brother to church as kids, of course). He was serving his second time in jail at that moment. I saw the Mother of God in a dream that night. I saw her image, which covered the entire sky. I woke up and couldn’t figure out the meaning of that dream all morning. I felt that it was somehow related to my son. I couldn’t call him, but he called me during the day. They were allowed to make a phone call once a month. I told him about my dream and asked, “What happened, son?” He replied, “Yes, mum! I went to church and took communion today.”

I sent him letters with paper icons. I even sent him a photo of Father Andrew Lemeshonok and told him about the remarkable priest that we have in the Convent. My son later went to the Convent to talk with him.

You see, God was as close to us as always. Or maybe even closer than usual…

You were the first member of your family who became a practising Christian. How did your family react?

They were sceptical and scornful at first. Later, they got used to it, and then God’s grace touched their hearts, too. For instance, when I invited a priest to consecrate our flat, my older son wasn’t home. We told the priest about our tragedy, and he said that the son would feel better after the consecration. Indeed, we did not quarrel any longer. Our house became a peaceful place. I told Sasha about it later, and he responded, “Mum, you won’t believe me but when I came home on that day, I could clearly feel the new atmosphere of peace and grace!”

Generally speaking, spiritual effort is never in vain. During one of our meetings, a woman shared that while she was kneeling in front of an icon and praying, her son, who suffered from drug addiction, entered the room and asked angrily, “Are you praying again?!” She said that she was scared by that alien, non-human voice of his. It was full of hatred.

Anna, your son doesn’t do drugs for a year now but you continue to attend mutual-aid groups. Why do you feel that it’s necessary?

I see that I’m still co-dependent. Although Sasha is 29 already, I sometimes go too far with my micromanagement of his affairs, and he has to stop me. You just can’t imagine how terrible this illness is! There was a time when I was brought to the point of spending all nights walking around the neighbourhood looking for him. It was absolutely useless… I was wasting all the energy that I could have used to pray and create a warm atmosphere at home on anxiety and panic.

Dear mums, if you read this and these words sound familiar, this is my advice to you: start by changing yourselves until it’s too late! You can change a lot! May the Lord help us all!

Interview by Natallia Klimova

September 5, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

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