Today we see more and more school psychologists and various psychological practices for children and adolescents appear both in our country and abroad. However, child and adolescent aggression is still growing at a rapid pace. In no way would I like to diminish the importance of psychologists and their work, but, in my opinion, the main things always happen in the family.
Any modern family, regardless of the country, lives in society and interacts with it. If we look at today’s society we will see that its values, such as leadership, creativity, status and success, make our own lives a top priority. Acting in our own interests, we often neglect others. Clearly, these values also include the concept of legality, freedom and rights, but among them there is no place for love, because love is not rational. It can prevent you from achieving success, encourage you to sacrifice yourself and your interests and teach you to see a real living person behind any problem. This is why modern morality does not teach to love, which inevitably makes it deeply flawed. Unfortunately, the majority of today’s young people have already absorbed this flawed morality as an axiom. If you are still in doubt, look at the footage with the wounded children after the shooting in Kazan and ask yourself why, seeing someone else’s grief, people reach for their smartphones and take pictures instead of providing real help? Most of these videos were filmed by ‘caring citizens’, who could not pass by without capturing the victims on camera.
Clearly, love is far from top priority in families that promote such values. In fact it has long been replaced by other things, such as relationships, success, self-realization, early development, creativity and leadership qualities, preparation for adulthood from a young age, etc, etc. Anything but love… Why bother with love if it cannot help achieve success in life? Instead we make sure that our child can read at three years of age and begins to study English at five. We play learning games with our children and forget about their souls. The “benefits” that we are reaping today should hardly come as a surprise because we are, in fact, promoting a classic dysfunctional family, which is not always a marginal family of alcoholics, drug addicts or spongers. The only factor that really distinguishes a healthy family is love.
Let us look at the personalities of school shooters. They all come from different backgrounds, from outcasts and unsociable loners to successful students, popular among their peers. They are different in many ways, but almost the same in one aspect – none of them was a truly beloved child. In one of the families, the parents were unable to form an equal attitude towards their children, and the future shooter was loved less than his brother or sister. In another, the father was a domestic tyrant keeping his wife and children in constant stress. The third child was raised by a single mother, forced to work insane hours to provide her children’s basic needs. In the fourth family the parents were too demanding and kept “raising the bar” for their child. In the fifth, the parents were occupied exclusively with work trying to pay the mortgage, and the education fees of their children. For various reasons the parents of the shooters did not have time, energy, desire or knowledge to love their children.
Perhaps, a school psychologist could provide situational assistance and help relieve tension in these families. But he would hardly solve their problem. Therefore, I repeat: problems of child and adolescent aggression begin and end exclusively in the family. Consequently, the responsibility for the manifestations of aggression by children lies primarily with their parents. The school can help them in solving certain problems, but the systematic shifting of parental responsibilities to school is a sign of a brewing trouble.
Translated by The Catalogue of Good Deeds